I'm gonna miss this....

We've been hurrying through our summer, absolutely not doing what I want to do. We were gone a lot last summer and I had visions of lazing by the neighborhood pool, watching clouds go by from our hammock, toasting marshmallows on the patio...

Instead, we've been hurrying through summer at the speed of chaos. We've had swimming practice and meets every week night. I've been busy like a nut on my computer getting all the work done of planning for school next year, ordering books, planning co-op, and so forth. I've been racing around to meeting to meetings for co-op, taking Kate to her summer internship and her babysitting job, taking Daniel to VBS, taking all of us to wherever. And in between, I have tried to fit in getting the kids together with their friends.

I'm exhausted! I said so yesterday, and Daniel said, "That's what moms are supposed to do, drive their kids around". I thought, "Hrrmmmppphhh!"

On the way out yesterday, we grabbed a new CD Dan had made for the kids - it's filled with their favorite country songs. When this one by Trace Adkins came on, it just made me cry. Again the song came on this morning, on the way to VBS, and again the tears - big, fat, rolling ones I could not stop! I hate to cry! And yet, I am going to miss this phase. I do need to slow down and enjoy it.

Daniel has had a great time at VBS and we'll be glad tonight to see their show with the songs they've been learning. And glad tomorrow to see them swim in the Championship Swim Meet - all day - in the hot hot hot summer heat. And I am glad Kate is earning lots of money for college by babysitting, plus she's learning about children, and perhaps gaining some insight into being a mother. As much as I'm just so anxious for this summer craziness to stop, I know I will miss it.

Just like I miss the hot, hot parades we went to every summer of April's high school, to watch the OTHS band go by. We hated the heat and the sweatiness and the driving and walking and even the five pounds of candy the little ones would beg to eat and we'd bring it home and throw it away months later. But we loved seeing the band go by, and waving to April. We'd often cross the streets and run to a place we could see her again. Loved the sound the band made, the clapping along with them, the cheering, and all of it. And I do look back fondly on those hot summer days, and these days I miss the parades. We go to some, but it's not the same - it's not my baby we're watching for, catching her eye, seeing her get just a slight smile of relief and gladness when she sees we are there. I miss my baby, my sweet tiny baby, now in Chicago. I miss those days when she would tell me about her day, had my full attention for an hour, and still want more. I miss those days when it was just her and me and I was her Mama. I still have that ache for my baby, and wanting her close, and yet pride is such a part of that ache, pride for the wonderful adult who doesn't need her mama, yet glad that a little part of her still wants me anyway. In just three years Kate will be gone too, then Daniel, and I'll miss all this too. How I love my babies! And how I hate to CRY!!

She was staring out the window of their SUV
Complaning, saying "I can't wait to turn 18"
She said "I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules"
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said "I was just like you"

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her "It's a nice place"
She says "It'll do for now"
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says "Baby, just slow down"

Cause you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"